British indie-horror The 7th Dimension follows students Sarah (Kelly Adams) and Zoe (Lucy Evans) as they venture into a penthouse apartment in search of the latter’s crush, only to find it houses a particularly unconvincing band of self-dubbed “idiot hackers” (a gift of a quote for an acerbic reviewer, if ever there was one), led by eye-rolling, wheelchair-bound conspiracy enthusiast Declan (Jonathan Rhodes). As they seek to unlock the secrets of the Vatican using clever keystrokes and awkward exposition, mysterious, supernatural secrets are unleashed and soon all their lives are in danger.
Although the film fancies itself a deft blend of psychological thriller, post-Da Vinci Code puzzler and borderline-Lovecraftian horror, it’s frankly little more than a baffling carnival of underdeveloped pseudo-philosophies bound together and spat out by Rhodes, who hurries through them like a drug-addled lecturer without giving the audience any chance to grasp what’s going on. The whole thing is performed by a largely incompetent cast of unknowns, whose awkward delivery and wooden acting only seem to prolong the running time. Rhodes entertains in a frothing, scenery-chewing rampage of a performance; at one point he’s seen scribbling on the back of a lavatory roll, something which writer/director Brad Watson must be all too familiar with, as I’m assuming a similar process led to the writing of this script.